Belly Bean

So Im having a  baby in 5 weeks….or 35 sleeps to be exact. Thats if the due date is right. Which I don’t think it is, plus Im feeling like it will come early. Naturally as a first time Mum my mind is pretty consumed about the birth. How am I going to go? I’ve chosen to do a natural bath birth, in hospital – well this is the plan anyway. Reading up on births and how best to manage the pain, it seems floating in a sea of information, there are a few certainties:

  1. I have absolutely NO idea what Im in for… no matter how much I read
  2. You can have a plan but that is all. What will happen could be completely different so make peace with that and LET IT GO
  3. Breathe, make noise or do whatever your body feels like doing when you are going through the labour process – this will help offset the pain. Slightly
  4. The gorgeous little human you get to meet will be the best thing that has ever happened to you
  5. I need to re read A. And Again. This applies to the first few weeks of being home with a newborn also

I would be lying if I didn’t say I was nervous, I worry about how my body is going to cope. Although I don’t consider myself to be reasonably fit (compared to my Crossfit partner anyway!) Im a healthy woman who is active everyday. This being said I am working hard mentally to try and let go of the outcome of a normal, natural birth. I have to prepare for the possibility this may not be the case. I like to think of myself as an Earth Mother, my body knows what to do and when to do it. I love to envisage an easy birth experience full of love and appreciation of not only the hard work I will go through to meet the beautiful baby but the whole messy, painful process. I realise this is probably naive, but I am a dreamer.


Mainly I just want the birth to be on our terms (the baby and I), the thought of having to be induced or a C section freaks me out. I realise medical intervention has it’s place but Universe if you’re listening, this is me placing my order of a normal, natural birth where the baby chooses when to come into this world and we work together for it to come out the birthing passage.

So, Im off to read some more blog posts and books (haha!), pack my hospital bag and get excited about meeting my tiny little human.


Love Love xxx


Ain’t so funny

The funny thing about love is, it never looks like how you’d imagined.

You find him attractive, you both hit it off, and you feel like FINALLY I have found one that has essence. Integrity. Similarities that bond you, differences that intrigue you. Yes let’s ride off into the sunset together.

And then reality hits. The self sabotage begins. The fears come creeping in and it paralyses you. All of your past experiences come back to haunt the challenges you face with him.

What to do…

Run? Fight for it? Ignore and rise above? Numb yourself?

I want to choose the path with the least amount of pain. Is he worth it? Is this what I really want?

You see I believe in universal flow and coincidences and what happens when that stops and you hit the bumpy part of the road? Is it a sign to examine these bumps and see how you can heal them or are they warning signs of the mountains ahead?


I guess the funny thing about love is you have to keep choosing them, as well as yourself, or else it dies.

Managers, Boss’ and Business owners listen up!

I’ve recently had a spate of experiences within the customer service realm both as an employee and customer that have left me feeling, quite frankly a little disappointed with humanity.
I realise that it is not easy to run a business and as a society we also have the need for rules and regulations….databases and systems. Organisation and order is a beautiful thing. But. When did these systems and rules override the compassion of allowing humans to be just that. Human. In all of its magical chaos and messiness. Aren’t life lessons the point of our very existence?

Since when is it obscene to see a waiter eat a handful of nuts? Horrific to find the girl behind the reception desk wearing a scarf to keep her neck warm? Distasteful to see a tired cafe worker sipping on some water?

I get it. It is hard economic times but isn’t the happiness and morality of your staff propelling your business forward? Isn’t the aim of the game to work smarter not harder…to encourage your staff to engage whole heartedly in the business and work WITH you to develop ways to make the business grow? Does this nit picky environment of anti human comfort promote this sort of thing? I think not.

I will share a particularly personal story with you displaying my utter dismay at human interaction and compassion recently…
My beautiful little sister is getting married to the man of her dreams, let the excitement and festivities begin!! Of course we needed to go Bridesmaid dress shopping, which inevitably lead to choosing 3 exquisite dresses being put on lay-by from a particularly well know retail giant. A few weeks later we discovered some very exciting news… that one of the Bridesmaids had actually fallen pregnant. What a special time for the family! But alas we must take one Bridesmaid dress out of the lay-by as it will no longer fit by the time of the wedding. Something that should be a simple and straight forward task was like trying to complete an obstacle course with rings of burning fire.
After phoning the desk to explain the situation I was told that we can’t take one dress out of the lay-by and I would need to come into the store, go to the lay-by department and cancel the lay-by and then re submit with just the other two dresses. I was not informed that this would incur any fee or charges to make this change to the lay-by. So, on I went into the store to do exactly that. After explaining the situation to the lay-by Manager she proceeded to inform me that this was not possible and that the only way I could make changes to this lay-by was to pay off the total amount and refund one dress or cancel the lay-by entirely which would mean we would lose our 20% deposit as a cancellation fee regardless of the fact that we would be putting the other two dresses back on lay-by straight away. After a lengthy conversation explaining the SIMPLICITY of the transaction I was asking for, I was told repeatedly that ‘unfortunately our systems don’t work that way’ despite the fact we’re human beings not systems and that this situation was unexpected.

Is anyone else left feeling a little perplexed by this?

Life is not perfect. Things happen and people bend, blur and flat out break the rules. Knowing the difference between helping someone out and doing something illegal is within us all, a guiding force connected to our hearts. The essence of our humanness. Lets listen to it and act from there and maybe we can make a change in this world!


From me to you

I recently started seeing someone and I am truly into him.

I stumbled across a post about embarrassing things a future husband needs to know about a 20 something yr old girl… I thought to myself I need to write a list like this.

And actually give it to him.

So I did.

Dear You,

I need you to …

1. Say loving things to me—and touch me a lot
I am not interested in being bought fancy things or taken out for dinners (although it is nice occasionally) however when it comes to knowing that you want me around I need you to verbally tell me. And show me physically. I’ll also settle for a text message (or 20), too.

2. Remind me you’re sticking around
Sorry, you can blame my Father. And Tinder (haha!)
I don’t have much faith in the opposite sex so it’s hard for me to trust and be vulnerable to you, but I want to. Please know this.

3. Tell me about your day
You’re already so great at doing this!!
I want to know you. What is in your mind, your heart, what you stand for, what pisses you off, what makes you unique, what turns you on—I want to savour it all. So tell me everything. Share your life with me.

4. I am a sensitive little butterfly
I often take things to heart. Things that are said flippantly or in the heat of the moment (especially if I am feeling vulnerable) these words can affect me way more than I let on. There is a reason Perfect Brat is tattooed on my ass… because I like to try and be perfect. Yes this is ridiculous. But I can get frustrated and angry when I can’t do something properly so please be patient. And don’t laugh.

5. Have A LOT of sex with me
I am a very sexual person; it helps me feel physically connected to you. And I need to know that you desire me and see me as the sexiest woman you’ve ever known. This helps me open up to you – not just physically but mentally and emotionally too.

6. When I am upset or hurt I am not good at communicating
I tend to hold everything in when I feel insecure; I don’t like making people angry and I am not great with confrontation and arguing – my family does it way too much – so I tend to hold it in. I’m learning to talk things through, but this means me trying to talk through my tears often – so please be gentle. And patient.

7. Plan regular date nights
Even if it’s just in our trackies on a Saturday night with take away and a DVD. Sharing time like this one on one is so important, no phones, no other people, just us! Can we make a deal that we’ll have a date night once a fortnight?

8. I can be crazy
Yes I am a woman. Yes I can be crazy. Most of the time I try to stay balanced and calm but occasionally my hormones can get the best of me or I will just be having a shitty damn day! Either of these will inevitably lead to me doing/ saying something stupid. It will piss you off. But I will always come and say sorry later.

9. Make me laugh.
Laughter really is the best medicine. It can ease the strain of a long day or just get your mind off something that is stressing you out. I like messing around and being an idiot, taking life too seriously is something I don’t subscribe to. When you have nothing you can still have a sense of humour!

Down the track……

10. Make me feel loved
And adored. In every relationship I’ve been in, I haven’t felt loved by the man I was with. Not truly, not fully, and not sincerely. I need to feel love in my bones and see it in your eyes. Why? Because I will love you more than you can imagine, and I need you to feel the same. I promise to always come home to you. I promise to care for you and support you in everything you set out to achieve. I promise to stand by you and be on your team. No matter what.

human connection

Today I discovered a key. You know that feeling you get when you are chasing an answer to something but haven’t quite worked out the right question to ask?

In the last few years I have wondered what it is that renders us slaves to anxiety, depression, drug dependence. Numbness.

It is so abundant in our generation, how did we arrive here?

What is it about the numbness that is so appealing, beckons you like an old friend who knows you better than you know yourself?

Ironically I found my way to this answer scrolling through my facebook feed. An interesting article about drug addiction radically challenging the school of thought surrounding addiction popped itself on my radar. Sure, I thought, why not… looks interesting.

Read it for yourself, I would love to hear your thoughts…

The answer. Connection. Human connection.


Humans crave personal connection, we want to be wanted. Loved. To bond with others. To share our journey, it is an incessant need, part of our hard wiring. Helping us stretch, grow and heal.

What fascinated me so much about this revelation was that it’s not a new concept to us. But keeping human connection in mind whilst delving into addiction can make all the difference to if we stay an addict or shake it off (props T Swizzle).

So what else can this revelation help with?

‘Oh the places you will go!’ sounds loudly in my head.

I want to use this key to conquer the world with love. To stare my fear in the face and believe I can make a difference in humanity, to step into the unknown. To love where it is easy to be indifferent, to teach where it is easy to dismiss, to guide where it is easy to let it be lost. I just found the next brick in my path. Thank you universe.

Love love xxx


The year of Restoration

I didn’t feel the usual excitement of fresh New Year energy on entering 2015… it has been a hard couple of years and I didn’t want to allow the usual tantalising anticipation of a New Year to lull me into a false sense of confidence. Throw a Mercury Retrograde into this mix and it has been a roller coaster ride of positive and negative mind sets. Some moments overwhelming me with fear and debilitating self doubt, propelling my ‘Queen of Procrastination’ anthem to sing to me whilst hiding in my blanket fort and blocking out the world. Unfortunately, while this seems like a great idea it does not serve my highest purpose. Where to go from now then? Seek help. Yup, although I am a strong, independent, warrior woman, I am in need of some guidance and help.

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Amazingly, as the universe always works, 3 wonderful women stepped forward into my life like beacons of shining light! All 3 of these women resonated with me in different ways with their messages and healing words and I want to share them with you;

Allie Ackland-Prpic  –  Energy Healer, hypnotherapist and psychologist

Tara Bliss – Author, Spiritual Practice Coach & Speaker

Elizabeth Peru – Cosmic Guide & Teacher


Your actions tell me I’m not worth your time which is not ok with me. I deserve better. It rips a little hole in my chest because I’m willing to give you my everything but you’re not willing to share. Time is the most precious gift. Free, but the most valuable thing we have. So. In light of this I am walking away. What you choose to do from here is entirely up to you.